Abstract Shapes Of Life

The Snake inside of me, the Fallen Angel.


Somewhere in time...
There was a shape shifter
Not for feelings,
--But Attention...

Not for materials
Nothing with sense
Not even reason,
--But Boredom...

Scared to be alone.
At night I was..
Some fallen Angel
At daylight I was..
Just another Snake.
--The Man.

I was lurking, both shapes
From one victim, to another
From soul to soul
Body to body

Just to feel good
And so greedy I was
Painless, for sure.
Without a sparkle,
Nor feelings...

With every bite I had
More venin came after
More Lies, lies...
So many lies.
And senseless life

There more I had..
Much more were lost
Every day was boring
Every one was boring
--Taking shapes

More people hurting
More venin gained.
Until the day, that day.
The snake got bitten by...
--Another Snake

With all that venin
Through my veins
Shape shifting, I think
Wasn\'t working, anymore

Nothing, was the same
Seem the same, nothing
Nothing, felt the same
In fact, I felt..

That was the day, I felt it
Fallen tho, the pain was growing
I was getting smaller and smaller,
Every day, hungry.

Day by day, more hungry
Then ever, in pain.
Hurting, lonely.
I was feeling them

No more souls to haunt,
To hurt, at last.
To feed my snake,
Dying inside, inside of me

The snake was struggling
Between life and death, itself.
Surprisingly with my wings, growing.
Once the snake died, they were...

My wings were growing back, At last.
So beautiful, more beautiful then ever
My lust for love,
Made them grow again...

Even tho my lust for attention
Was getting weaker...
And weaker, so weaker
That I lost my appetite for that

For now, vanished, at least.
And when I grew,
To be mature enough
I saw my wings,

In the mirror one day
Thinking, what a mess
What a mess I left behind
For this, to happen.

What a mess of souls,
A graveyard full, of wings
And a ton of Angels dead
Greedy bastard, the snake

Kept going and going
Painless, living a shameless life
Pity to me, pitying myself
At least, I don\'t deserve it

I don\'t deserve anything from others
At least, again
I can look in the mirror
The shame is there,

The quilt is there
And the pain I feel,
It\'s there too.
It\'s Me, the SnaKe.

Within an Angel.
Still Me, Shape shifter.
the Fallen Angel...
The Angel face,
With an Evil mind.

It\'s Me, no other.
No other living,
Could do such things...
Nor death itself,

Could do those things...
It\'s Me, the Angel
The Angel you don\'t know.
The Angel you never seen

About you never heard of
Under the skin of that Angel
Was living a snake, pity to me.
That snake still haunts me

From time to time
Like present...
When time is infinite,
I will endure my pain
Still, he lives thrum my dreams

Haunting, he\'s still there.
Speechless I was,
For the first time,
In a long time.
Careless I wasn\'t.

Now trying, to repair...
Trying, not to despair...
That my job, will be in vain
Like that would, not be fair

For all those Sins
My sins, as Angel
My sins, as snake..
So many, many more

The beast inside of me.
I sinned, painless
Now I will endure,
My path full of spins

Because I deserve it, all.
All that will come, bad
Good is still unknown,
I haven\'t had a feeling

Yet, but still, my fault,
My bad, it\'s all.
Yet again, somewhere in time
This time, my Angel wings..

My sparkling Angel Wings
So beautiful, but full of pain
I wasn\'t able to fly yet,
Still, after so many years

I haven\'t recovered,
Still, my fault.
Doing my job, healing others
Helping others, every day

I was helping myself
Thinking, that one day
Maybe one day, I will become
I will reborn,

As an actual Angel.
But time goes by...
And that day,
This day, it came

The day I met another Angel,
After a long, so long time
After so many years
All these years pitying myself

One day I met an Angel
A real angel, my angel
It was like today,
When I met that Angel

My wings were shivering
At the first glimpse of beauty
Such a beauty, like never seen
Like never seen before,

Oh no, the Snake
The snake in me,
That snake, willing to reborn
Willing to kill again

To kill my Angel
I was so hungry,
But hungry for love,
Not just Attention.

I missed that, so much
So much, I missed
A touch, A kiss
And others more...

So there I go,
Pitying myself...
Whether to kill the snake
Whether to let it, live again

Almost giving birth
Rebirth of that evil Beast.
My twin brother,
Within the same body.

In that second I stopped
Shocked, was thinking
Why? why ? why me?
Now that I found...

I found an real Angel
Some Angel, made me feel...
Made me, feel again,
At last, after years...

So many years, in pain, but.
I had to kill, again.
To kill... but,
Not some other Soul

I sinned, again, but..
I saved an Angel, killing a beast.
Killing my own and self soul.
The beast, that beast inside.

To be free, again.
To feel, again.
But time gone by...
My Angel, that beautiful Angel.

My Angel had to fly,
And wasn\'t coming by...
That Angel, such beauty
That Angel, left me...
Hanging, in pain.

More like dying... indeed.
But, I felt again.
I felt, love and Pain...
At the same time.

This time, at least.
I know, I think
I know, I didn\'t hurt no one.
No one but... me.

Thinking, I saved a Soul.
Another Soul to be on my list.
On my list, in that graveyard.
Still feeling, now...

Feeling a bunch
Nor good, nor happy
Nor joy, in my life.
Still, feeling lonely.

But Feeling, something
That something,
That makes me go forward
At last. ---Present.

After going backwards
So many years
So much time,
Time gone by, lost.

So not being me,
So not a beast.
Here I am, finally.
Finally, True...

Loving a shadow
Your Shadow...
An Angel\'s shadow
In peace with myself.

Able to look in a mirror
And liking what I see.
Here I am, At last,
Some Angel.

At least... for now.
Still loving you,
Loving you, my shadow.
The shadow of an Angel.
Hoping you will fly by, again.
So help me God.
</span>

---
The story of an Angel face with an Evil mind.
Whom is still sorry for hurting You, and you...
And many others, just like you, My Angel.
Farewell, My beautiful Angel.

The story of my life, to be continued... some other time, in time.

Original can be found here:

claudelgfx.blogspot.com

Posted in Poetry

I'll start this by quoting some nice words, wrote by someone whom is defining jealousy like this... ----- "Jealousy can be unhealthy or healthy, depending on motivation. Unhealthy jealousy stems from fear, insecurity and deception. When you feel acting out in jealousy, you need to examine the reason why you feel jealousy. Before you let jealousy creep into your chest stop, think, and discern the source of jealousy. Once you discover why you are jealous you need to deal with the issue. Jealousy is not a bad emotion/feeling." by Lirio Y. Lomarda -----\ And there i go now talking about what is basically the most common thing in a relationship and how That can ruin your entire relationship pretty fast(depending from case to case). Many people think that Men do act like that most of the times or they usually show off more but in my opinion the ladies are doing the most significant things after which in most cases the relationship just goes poof. And some examples, like what ladies can do when they are extremely jealous. --- Wants to go out with you anywhere, anytime, no matter what! (Going out with your buddies for a beer. + GF? = No fun & Awkward.) --- Should be able to read all your messages off phone/e-mail/post mail! (What if you and your buddies send each other kinky jokes and stupid but funny jokes about sex or anything related with such. = No Fun & Awkward.) --- Calling you every 30/20/10/5 minutes to check where are you and what you are doing. (What if you're in a big meeting at work and she just doesn't stop doing it, over and over again until you answer! = Extremely Annoying & Awkward!.) --- Should be able to slap you off your shoes anytime, anywhere, no matter what! (She doesn't care if you are dinning in a restaurant or you two are in a place crowded/full with people or just in front of your buddies, she just can't wait until you do a mistake so she can slap you since she doesn't really care how many people are around nor any, in fact the many they are the better she feels about it! = Extremely Awkward!) --- You should never look at/nor salute/greet any other Woman while you're with her on the street! (What if you might meet with one of your female co-workers, you just pass by and pretend you didn't even saw her? without at least saluting/greeting her just because you're with your GF? = Disrespectful & Awkward. If you do salute/greet that Female Co-worker you'll end up answering 234324 questions just to feed her jealous curiosity.) --- Open agenda at all times for any reason even for the smallest possible things! (She doesn't care if you wanna go out with the boys, wanna watch your fave football team match or just have some time for yourself. = WTF? O.o) And all those were just SOME, just a small amount of examples i could think of right ATM. Now ladies why are you shocked/confused when you hear that guys are afraid of marriage? and you don't ask yourself WHY? well that's because most of you ladies don't realise any of that or at least don't see them in the same colors we do and for sure not feel them alike. Of course there are people whom "like" or accept all those examples having their own reasons like not wanting to be alone so they accept anything that can lay their hands on nor they have other options ATM. In my opinion a Relationship should be based on Trust, of course you might say that you need time to gain that Trust, THEN wait until you get everything straight, don't just wait 1/2/3 weeks/months and then just fly in the Church in a big hurry to marry if you haven't even passed that kinda of test otherwise you're just going to a dead-end or it won't last. Another thing that should be stated when you engage into a relationship is to explain as detailed as possible your "Things", ask to have your personal space & time, otherwise if all these are not known from the start, after that it doesn't even matter anymore, that's why you need that time to talk, explain and learn to accommodate with both of your fave. things to do, before you jump to the next level, or possible the most serious like marriage. Now a tip for the boys, at the first gimp of jealousy (of any kind) from your girl don't just take everything that comes at you and start excusing yourself like a little girl having troubles with her toys, take your girl and talk about your issues and of course try to fix them before they go any further, if you did so and nothing changes you might wanna find someone else before its too late, of course in the case of an extreme jealous person. Because if you didn't know there are plenty out there just waiting for a good man to come by, just like the girls are saying "all the good ones are taken or just g@y" :) Never forget to show who's wearing the pants and who's wearing the panties in that Relationship :) and by this I'm not talking about your fist, just remember that one word is heavier then a man's fist, in fact you ain't a man if you hit a woman, you're just another Woman or just coward, showing who's right with the fist is plain dumb or just plain stupid and while she may not even hurt (Cuz you hit like a Woman) but you'll end up in Jail, and believe me you don't wanna know what they do to you down there if they know you were sent there because you hit a Woman :) in fact for sure it less painful to take all that BS from your GF and loosing your personal space & life then just going down there! Well i can say that i know what I'm talking about, because I've been in contact with that kind of ladies and yes sometimes the other person wants to see you being jealous because in her/his opinion that shows some kind recognition of you actually caring about her/him. But in cases of extreme jealousy its for sure nothing about love… i mean yea you’re crazy in love but you know that everyone needs their own private space, no matter you’re involved in a long term relationship or even engaged/married, none of those things matter when it comes to personal space, personal friends either boy/friends or girl/friends as in Just Friends/Buddies, doing so and showing that kinda of Extreme Jealousy its neither healthy nor helpful in a relationship, its merely ruining it piece by piece because one day, one of you will have to choose, and for sure someone will get hurt, either the actual person or his/her Friends and in my opinion that’s some kinda of cruel and selfish thing to do. So in the end i can say that a Lil bit of jealousy is good/enough but too much just ruins everything… and of course in the end, it ruins your Life. When I'll have more time i will be adding the Men's side of Extreme Jealousy! Now ending again by quoting the same author, just a stunning fact whom simple gives me the creeps! ----- "People commit crime or hurt another person because of being Jealous." by Lirio Y. Lomarda -----\ I hope you like it, if not make sure you comment anything you dislike/disagree with!

Posted in Love

A few words about Perfection! Perfect People Aka Soul Mates!



Some time ago, not too long ago it was like yesterday but only the year before this one. After being friends for years with this girl, one day we meet again on the street, i was in a rush to get home from work and there she was walking towards me on the street, at the bit of the second i saw her, it was like she was walking in slow motion(ya Noe like in the movies:)... you know that feeling when you're body almost starts shivering, those butterflies.. that was the moment when i had fallen in love... in a second, but that second for me was like hours passing by, it was just mind blowing.

So we sat there in the middle of the street talking for like 5 minutes about simple stuff so simple that i almost remember every word, and we agreed to talk later on, online to share whats new on both sides and how life is going. We were online chatting like crazy for hours... don't even remember how many, BUT plenty even till morning. The next day she asked me if i wanna go for a walk later on, and the evening came so there we were walking beside Danube River.. it was getting dark and now everything looks even better at night, all those lights, we walked allot even tho i haven't felt my legs hurting or anything (wonder why:P) and somehow we were both starring at the moon at the same time, it was so beautiful.. and its reflections on the water were the same. So there we were holding in each others arms, watching the moon.. the water... it was so calm, even tho before that every single corner was crowded with people... lovers.. noisy kids.. families walking by.. also allot of music from many different places that varied in types, but in that moment when we were holding in each others arms it was like everyone and everything simply vanished, surprisingly the moon was getting bigger or at least that was the effect shown on the water, its glittering reflections were so astonishing that you were merely hypnotised,  we were staring at the sky, from time to time you could hear our wishers.. "isn't that beautiful" / "indeed it is" / "are you cold?" / "no I'm fine thanks" and we just sat there for hours talking about life and many others.

And yet again another day just passed by and the day when she had to leave came so fast.. that i was so disappointed i didn't even know what to do next... after i got home it was almost 3 o'clock in the morning and i couldn't sleep anymore... it was like my mind was left behind, back there and my body was at home, at least that makes sense. So she left (in another country) the next day and yet again we agreed to keep in touch online, but ya Noe everything goes well for a while but then you start missing so much and it hurts... she was for me "that missing piece" that "Perfect for you" that Soul Mate or w/e you wanna call it, we had so many things in common that i was thinking she's a clone of mine but with a different gender :) Yes a hilarious joke but pretty much true. To just jump over and get to the actual point of this blog entry, we were able to be together 3 days off/at 3-4 months or at least when she could come, she was in school so it was pretty hard to just leave and fly to me, so she was coming only in school's vacations. Even tho there was that big big distance between us, even tho online wasn't that great as for real, we tried, at least i know i tried to make it work, so it did work for a while until she had to move to US, that's merely another level of distance that can't be solved easily. So even tho i found it, that missing piece and everything was great, i couldn't have it so i believe it was either faith or just life that sucked up that single dream i had to be vanished. So in the end it doesn't really matter how many frogs you kiss 'till that missing piece comes into your life and it doesn't matter for how much time cuz its worth it, because in most cases it doesn't last, but hopefully for others even with that small chance, maybe others will be more lucky at keeping their so called Soul Mate close and never let go. Because it's hard if not VERY HARD to find it, but when you do find it, do not cage it just keep it close, as close as possible and as much as possible, if not forever.

But what's more important is the fact that just dreaming about it, won't just pop the person out of the blue for you to have it, like i said you have to kiss allot of frogs 'till that happens, and I'm sure you won't regret any of that because after each frog you kiss, you'll learn something, about others... about you and what exactly is that you want, otherwise you'll keep in your head the image of that Shining Knight coming at you on a white horse 'till you'll get old enough to give up and accept anything that comes by no matter you like it or not, just because you don't wanna be lonely for the rest of your life. Like I've said its your job to find it cuz it won't just pop up at your door one day just because you feed yourself with all those dreams. And yes life can be cruel, life can turn everything against you, but if you are on top you will be always on top. But if you'll waste your time suffering or even allowing yourself to suffer, its just a waste, a big waste of your own self and time which is life in other words. Because anyway anyhow that dream is real, that person exists but if you just compare past with future and person with person you will never be able to find it.

Because that missing piece, that Soul Mate, in fact it lays inside of anyone but you won't be able to see it even if its right beside you/in front of you, if you are not prepared. To find it you will have to be able to see other people defects as qualities, and have lower expectations, otherwise with high hopes and high expectations you will miss it for sure. Everything lies into simple things, so simple that its merely silly, its nothing euphoric, extraordinary nor anything like such. It's just another person like any other that in her/his simple ways of doing things, moves you, makes you feel surprisingly good, makes you feel like a real Man/Woman but that's about it, it isn't anything else then just pure feelings, passion and straight love out of two bodies and two souls united as one. Other issues about Soul Mates that change your way of thinking for allot of time is that not every time the feelings are mutual and not in all cases its 50/50, while for you it might be the perfect one, you might not be for the other person, so yea you can't rush love, you'll have to work hard to earn it and even so it doesn't work all the times.

The second issues whom merely has the same importance, do not take shortcuts... even tho at that moment it might seem to be right later on you'll end up feeling the differ, and this is about Sex, yes that's right, i know men do have needs but if you keep your mind occupied with other stuff and keep in mind that rushing things almost every time ruins everything, you'll get to feel and see that a kiss is enough, a hug is enough, a simple touch is enough and for sure when THE time comes you'll know it (both of you) that right time when both  feel the Need to go further, to the next level. If you didn't knew premature sex can ruin a relationship or just it won't last, so the more you wait the more enjoyable it will be when it happens, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't have sex, its just a period of time when both people have to connect, have to have feelings and only after that you will Make Love, otherwise its purely sex and that's just about it, sooner or later one of you will get bored and will want something New, cuz DA! that's about everything you can offer, if you give all from the start eventually you won't have anything else to discover, its like a flower with a short life once it blossoms you have to take care of it otherwise it will die.

So those two are very important, the sex and the feelings are both important in a relationship, but when one fails to work the problems come... even tho both issues can be worked out, many just choose to move on without wasting their time to work on their problems, and that's why you see so many couples falling apart :) why to work it when you can get a new one you say ? well in fact both require almost the same amount of time but everything lays in people choices, and of course many times they do realise long time after if it was a good or a bad choice. Hope this would be helpful for all the people out there that are looking for something like this or similar to such called Soul Mate.

I hope you like it, if not make sure you comment anything you dislike/disagree with!

Posted in Romance